“Go The Fuck Asleep” by Samuel L. Jackson
Samuel L. Jackson is reading the book “Go the fuck asleep” and it is funny as shit! LMAO.
GO THE FUCK ASLEEP! I DON’T CARE!
I’d read this to my kid.
I went down on my boyfriend one night after drinking. the next morning he goes to the bathroom and comes back and asks me “were you chewing gum last night?”. “yeah” “do you know where it went?” “uhhh no.” he woke up with gum stuck to his balls
Source: College Humor
WATCH GOOGLE ROAST FACEBOOK AND MYSPACE. AND TWITTER AND EVERYBODY ELSE MAKE FUN OF MYSPACE.
Source: College Humor
ANSWER MY TEXT BITCH
IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, THEN DON’T POST IT!
Case Close.
- You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
- Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label ‘Stranger: ’. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
- You: hey
- You: I’m
- You: a
- Stranger: how’s ur day?
- You: oh shit should i begin??? my day was WEIRD
- Stranger: why
- You: well it’s a long story
- You: d oyou really want to here it or no?
- Stranger: yes , i want to
- You: ok well pull up a chair…
- You: here it goes
- Stranger: ok
- You: well today I worked until 4pm…
- You: I got off and planned on seeing my gf at her place
- You: I got in my car though and decided I would go to the 7/11 on the way to get something to drink
- Stranger: okay
- You: big mistake
- Stranger: why
- You: when I got there I got out of the car and noticed so weird people
- You: a couple actually
- You: a wigger guy and his slutty girlfriend
- You: so I noticed this couple in the 7/11 chatting away LOUDLY talking about how the girl’s father almost got killed the other day
- You: apparently someone is out to get her and her family
- Stranger: okay
- You: so anyway while listening to that interesting conversation I got my drink, payed and started to pay
- You: I noticed the couple went outside and was just standing there
- You: I started to leave and go to my car when I heard the wigger guy yell, “hey come here for a second”
- You: this is were it gets interesting
- You: I think he was yelling to someone else of course, I’ve never seen ths guy before
- You: so I just start walking away
- You: but he yells again, this time I look back and he waves me towards him
- Stranger: qoq
- Stranger: wow
- You: I was like…..wtf……but i decided to see what he wanted
- You: so I went over there and the dude says, “hey man, you got a car right?? can you give me and my girl here a ride?”
- You: of course I said no
- You: I start walking away but the guy is persistent
- Stranger: u should say no!
- You: he’s like, “come on man”
- You: I just igonre him…
- You: but I’m getting into my car when he comes from behind me and starts to talk to me more
- You: he says, “i’m not stupid you know”
- You: “I know who you are”
- You: I was confused
- You: I told him I’ve never seen him before…
- You: He says, “yeah fucking right, you’re Brian, Joey’s brother. I know who you are.”
- You: huuh???
- You: I do not have a brother and my name is definitely not brian
- Stranger: and
- You: I decide these people are not worth my time so I decide to get into my car
- You: but the wigger dude trys and punch me! no lie!
- You: I dodge his weak as puch and puch him square in the nose/mouth
- You: punch*\
- You: I swear to god… that guys noce EXPLODED with blood
- You: I hit that sucker hard
- You: anyway
- You: he started to run around crying about what I did to him…. he was holding is nose, his hands were full of blood
- Stranger: wow
- You: then I realized what his gf was doing…..she was on her phone, calling the cops
- You: I got kinda nervous
- You: I looked down and saw loose teeth on the ground….omg
- You: I decided to leave, this was too much
- You: I went back to my house, I decided not to go see my gf
- You: when I got home my mom was there
- You: she could see something was wrong….so she asked what was wrong..
- You: so I told her…
- You: she got kinda upset, she was confused on why I left the scene, she said it was self defense. I shouldn’t have anything to worry about
- You: she also said this…
- You: you’re moving with auntie and uncle in bel-air!!
- You: I whistled for a cab
- You: and when it come near
- Stranger: um
- You: the license plates said fresh and there was dice in the mirror
- You: if anything
- You: I’d say this cab was rare
- You: But I thought forget it
- You: Yo homes to Bel-Air!!!!!!
- You: I pulled up to the house around 7 or 8
- You: and yelled to the cabbie
- You: “yo homes, smell ya later”
- You: I looked at my kingdom
- You: I was finally there
- You: to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
- You: END
- Stranger: thanks for sharing
- You: you like it?
- Stranger: yes
- You: cool, so how was your day?
- Stranger: nothing special
- Stranger: lol
- You: ohreally
- You: well you could just make up an outragous story and call it your day
- You: are you chinese?
- Stranger: yeah
- Stranger: how do u know
- You: case closed
- You have disconnected.
Source: omeglex.com
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